Shadow Working

Shadow Working

Shadow work gets talked about a lot… but most people are getting it wrong.

It’s not about fixing yourself.

It’s not about cutting pieces of yourself away.

And it’s definitely not about becoming “perfect.”

In this video, we’re sitting down and having a real conversation about what shadow work actually is… and why so many people feel stuck or overwhelmed when they try to do it.

We’re talking about:

The truth about shadow work (and why it’s not about elimination)

The shadow of balance: jealousy, envy, and ambition

The shadow of grace: accountability, forgiveness, and being human

Why working with the seasons (especially spring) matters more than you think

And a simple ritual you can actually do to begin working with your shadow in a grounded, honest way

This isn’t aesthetic spirituality.

This is real work.

Shadow Work Isn’t About Fixing Yourself (Here’s the Truth)

Shadow work isn’t about fixing yourself, and most people don’t realize that until they’re already frustrated with the process.

In the magickal community, shadow work often gets misunderstood. Many folks think it’s about purging or cutting away parts of ourselves, as if the goal is to eradicate the dark corners entirely. Like you’re supposed to sweep it all up, toss it out, and somehow come out polished and perfect.

That’s not how this works.

The true nature of shadow work isn’t about eliminating. It’s about integrating. Our shadows are not enemies. They are parts of us with stories, with memory, with lessons to teach, if we are willing to sit still long enough to listen.

And I’ll tell you this from experience… the more you try to shove something down, the louder it tends to knock.

It’ll show up in your tone. It’ll show up in your reactions. It’ll show up when you’re tired or irritated and didn’t mean to say what you just said. That’s your shadow, right there, saying… you forgot about me.

Shadow work isn’t about silence. It’s about conversation.

I’ve seen that in my own life more times than I can count. Things I thought I had handled, tucked away, dealt with… they don’t disappear. They just wait until you’re not paying attention.

So this work… it’s about learning to walk in balance. It’s recognizing that jealousy, envy, anger… those aren’t flaws you have to cut out of yourself. They’re signals. They’re messengers.

Instead of pushing them away, you ask… what are you trying to show me? How can I understand you? How can I accept you, so you serve me instead of sabotage me?

Because the goal isn’t to be all light. The goal is to be whole.

Now if you’ve been walking this path for any length of time, you already know we move with the seasons. We don’t just mark them on a calendar, we feel them. And this kind of work… it belongs to spring. That light starts coming back, and all of a sudden you can see things clearer.

Same way you open the windows, shake out the rugs, start noticing the dust that settled while you weren’t looking… that’s not just your house. That’s you too.

I remember one spring I was out there sweeping the porch, just moving dirt from one place to another like we all do, and it hit me how simple it is to clean what you can see.

You don’t argue with it. You don’t pretend it’s not there. You just deal with it.

Inside… that’s where we get complicated.

But that’s what the season of spring is for. Not to throw anything away, but to bring it out into the light and really look at it. Turn it over. Ask yourself what it is and why it’s still there.

Because when that dark half of the year rolls in, the season of the dead, that’s a different kind of work. That’s ancestor time. That’s remembrance. That’s stillness. That’s not always the time to be digging deep into your own psyche and pulling everything apart.

There’s a difference between honoring… and unraveling.

Shadow work takes something out of you. It takes energy. It takes steadiness. You need enough light in you to hold what you’re going to find. And spring gives you that.

Spring says… let’s grow.

Winter says… sit down and remember.

Now when I talk about shadow work, I’m not talking about the deep clinical kind. I’m not qualified to go digging around in somebody’s inner child wounds, and I won’t pretend to be.

What I’m talking about are the everyday shadows. The ones that show up in how you speak. How you react. How you move through the world without even thinking about it.

And two of the biggest ones I see… are balance and grace.

Balance

Let’s start with balance. Because people love to pretend jealousy and envy and greed are just bad, full stop. But they’re not. Not on their own.

Jealousy will show you real quick what matters to you.

I’ve had that feeling myself. Watching someone build something beautiful, something I wanted… and feeling that little twist in my chest before my mind could even catch up to it.

That moment where something in you says… that should be me. 

Now you can ignore that. You can push it down. Or you can sit with it. Because when I did, I realized I didn’t want what they had. I wanted what it meant.

Connection. Purpose. A place to gather. That jealousy wasn’t the problem. That was the message.

Envy works the same way, just quieter.

You see someone confident, skilled, moving through the world in a way that catches your attention… and something in you leans toward it.

In balance, envy says… that’s possible. Out of balance, it says… you’ll never have that.

And greed… people don’t like to talk about that one, but it shows up.

That pull for more. More security. More stability. More something.

In balance, that’s ambition. That’s what builds things. Out of balance, it starts taking from places it shouldn’t.

The problem isn’t these feelings. The problem is when they’re left unchecked. Because when they tip out of balance, they don’t sit quietly. They take over.

Jealousy turns into suspicion. Envy turns into bitterness. Greed turns into consumption.

So shadow work is catching it early. Feeling it rise and saying… there you are. Not judging it. Not dressing it up. Just naming it.

And then asking… what are you trying to tell me? And listening long enough to hear the answer.

Grace

Now grace… grace is a different kind of work.

Grace sounds soft when we say it. Easy. Gentle. But real grace? That’s accountability.

That’s standing in front of yourself with no audience and no excuse. Looking at what you’ve done.

The lies. The harm. The moments you didn’t show up the way you should have.

I’ve had to sit with that too. Said something once that landed harder than I ever meant it to. And once it’s out there… you don’t get to take it back.

You just have to sit with it. And grace says… you don’t get to pretend that didn’t happen. But it also says… you don’t get to stay there forever.

That’s the hard part. Holding both of those truths at the same time.

The shadow of grace does not let you skip over that. It asks you to sit with it. To say it plainly, I did that. I cannot undo it, but I can acknowledge it.

And then it asks something more of you. Not shame. Not punishment. Growth.

I made mistakes, and I have learned. I will make amends where I can. I will carry that knowing forward. Grace does not erase accountability. It transforms it into something useful, something that shapes you into a better version of yourself.

I did that…and I’m still allowed to grow. We sit with our mistakes. We don’t excuse them. But we don’t build a home inside them either.

We carry the lesson… not the weight. And that’s where balance and grace meet each other. One teaches you how to understand what rises in you. The other teaches you what to do once you’ve seen it clearly.

And at the end of the day, all of this comes back to the same place.

The Mirror.

Not the version you show people. Not the cleaned up version. The real one. The goal isn’t perfection. It never was. The goal is to be whole enough to walk forward without running from yourself.

To let your shadows walk beside you…instead of chasing you down…or dragging you along. Just… walking with you.

In both of these shadows, balance and grace, we are brought back again and again to that same place, the mirror. Honest. Clear. Uncomfortable sometimes, but necessary.

Not to tear ourselves apart, but to know ourselves well enough to walk this path with intention. Whole. Grounded. A little wiser than we were the day before.

Prayer of Balance:

"May I walk the path between longing and peace.

May my jealousy become clarity, my envy become inspiration, and my ambition become purpose.

Let me know when to strive and when to rest.

Let me seek abundance that uplifts all.

May I dance with my shadow, holding it in harmony, neither denying nor indulging.

Let balance guide my steps.”

Prayer of Grace:

"I stand before my shadow, not in fear but in honesty.

I take responsibility for my missteps, knowing that I am more than my mistakes.

May I offer myself the grace to grow.

As I forgive myself, may I also make amends.

Let me embrace the wholeness of who I am—both light and shadow.

May grace be my guide as I walk toward healing and wholeness."

Ritual/Working with Shadows

Now if you’re going to do this work, it helps to give it somewhere to land.

Solitaire Working

You don’t need anything fancy for this. Matter of fact, I’d say keep it simple on purpose.

Find yourself a quiet spot. Porch, kitchen table, wherever you won’t be bothered for a little while. Evening works nice, right when things start to settle, but do it when you can be honest with yourself.

You’ll want:

• a candle

• a small bowl of water

• and something to write with

Sit down and light the candle. Nothing dramatic. Just light it and take a breath.

That flame is your awareness. That’s you choosing to look.

Set the bowl of water in front of you. That water holds reflection. It holds what you’re willing to see.

Now take a moment and think about what’s been coming up for you lately.

Jealousy. Envy. That restless feeling of wanting more.

Or maybe it’s something heavier. Something you said. Something you did. Something that’s been sitting with you a little too long.

Don’t dress it up. Don’t soften it. Just name it.

Write it down. Plain and honest.

Now read it back to yourself. Out loud if you can. Let it sound real.

Then sit with it for a moment. No rushing this part. Let whatever feeling comes up… come up.

Now place your hand over the bowl of water. And say:

“I see you. I hear you. You are part of me, but you do not rule me.”

Take a breath.

If what you’re holding is part of that balance shadow, jealousy, envy, greed, speak to it:

“Show me what you are trying to teach me, and I will carry you in balance.”

If what you’re holding is part of that grace shadow, something you’ve done, something you regret, say:

“I own what I have done. I learn from it. I move forward with grace.”

Now fold the paper.

You’ve got two choices here, and both are right.

You can keep it, place it somewhere private, let it be something you come back to and reflect on. Or you can burn it safely in that candle flame and let it go, not as denial, but as release.

Either way, dip your fingers lightly in the water and touch your forehead or your hands. Just a small gesture. A quiet acknowledgment.

Then sit there for a minute before you get up. Let yourself settle back into yourself.

That’s it. No big production. No need to turn it into something it’s not. Just you… being honest enough to look, steady enough to hold it, and wise enough not to run from it.

Group Ritual

Now if you’re going to do this kind of work in a coven, you want to keep it steady and contained. Not rushed, not chaotic, and not too heavy without a way to come back 

• Ask everyone to bring:

• a candle

• a small bowl or cup of water

• something to write with

You, as the one holding the space, set the tone.

Start simple.

“Go ahead and light your candle.”

Give them a moment.

“That flame is your awareness. That’s you choosing to see what’s been sitting in the corners.”

Pause.

“Place your water in front of you. That holds reflection. That holds truth.”

Let it get quiet for a second. Don’t rush that silence. That’s where the work starts.

Then guide them in.

“I want you to take a breath… and think about what’s been coming up for you lately.”

“Jealousy… envy… that restless pull for more…”

“Or something heavier… something you said… something you did… something that’s been sitting with you.”

Pause again.

“Don’t fix it. Don’t explain it. Just notice it.”

Then have them write.

“Go ahead and write it down. Plain. Honest. No dressing it up.”

Give them time. You’ll feel when most folks are done.

Now bring them back in together.

“If you’re comfortable, I’m going to invite you to read what you wrote… quietly to yourself, or out loud if that feels right.”

“And if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. Being present with it is enough.”

Now move into the working.

“Place your hand over your water.”

“Take a breath.”

And say it with them, slow enough that they can follow:

“I see you. I hear you. You are part of me, but you do not rule me.”

Pause.

Then split the current gently, without calling people out.

“If what you’re holding is part of balance… jealousy, envy, that pull for more… say quietly to yourself:”

“Show me what you are trying to teach me, and I will carry you in balance.”

Pause.

“If what you’re holding is part of grace… something you regret, something you wish you could take back… say:”

“I own what I have done. I learn from it. I move forward with grace.”

Now bring the group back together.

“Take a breath.”

“Nothing here needs to be shared unless you want it to be.”

“And if you do want to share, we’ll hold space for that without fixing it, without judging it.”

You can open the floor here if that fits your group. Keep it gentle. Don’t let it turn into advice-giving. Just witnessing.

When it’s time to close, bring them back into their bodies.

“Go ahead and fold your paper.”

“You can keep it… or you can release it later. Both are valid.”

“Now take your fingers, dip them in your water, and touch your forehead or your hands.”

“Just a small acknowledgment… that you saw something true tonight.”

Then close it clean.

“Blow out your candle when you’re ready.”

“But don’t rush off.”

“Sit with yourself for a minute.”

“Let yourself come all the way back.”

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Happy Dark Witch,

Taren S.